Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
