Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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