WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
soo... how was my night?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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