i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
