I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
