I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize