So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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