"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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