I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
