what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize