bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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