I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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