Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
