talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
