I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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