I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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