So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
