weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
