last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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