sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
