i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
