I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize