i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
