Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
