ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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