So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
