lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
