Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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