i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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