i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
