WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
