I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
