I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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