yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
