I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
