do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
