It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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