theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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