Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
