woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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