You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dick very happy bro
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
