i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
