you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
