Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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