My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
