i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
