every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
