The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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