The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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