I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
