we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
