so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
