my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
