his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
