Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
