i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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