i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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