Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize