Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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