He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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