I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
