I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
