thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize