so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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