apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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