I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
