Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
