We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
