My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
