Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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