I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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