dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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