i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
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