Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
