i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize