i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What a dumb baby whore.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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