Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
