Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Drake has all the answers
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
