called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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