You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
