I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
