Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
