Soap is not a condiment
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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