what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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