mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
