I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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