i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
