ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
this boner is exhausting
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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