So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
