Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
