dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
