My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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